There are a lot of times that I find myself questioning my decisions in life. I often wonder how the decisions i've made have effected people, but I don't mean the people around me. I try to consider the people who I had the chance to meet but never did, how many people I will still meet down the line anyway. Then I can't help but wonder how many people I run into that i've left an impression on that never say a word, have I ever?
Sometimes I spend to much time wondering who I would be if I didn't have Cystic Fibrosis. I only assume these kinds of thoughts are normal to have occasionally. Part of me is so grateful to CF, I see the world in such a beautiful way and I know it's only s a result of my CF. I just can't help but wonder what it's like to be healthy, to be kind of normal? I've never really been a person to hold pent-up aggression about being sick or having this problem, I see my questions as being curious more than anger induced. I've always had way to strong of an imagination and far to often I let my dreams loose and they run wild crashing into reality.
Sometimes I think I dream to big, to big for anyone person. My dreams stem from this distorted idea that anything is possible if you work hard enough, and it's become apparent that some dreams aren't part of my lifes' bigger picture. Some dreams are meant to fill just a small time in our lives, and the pain that comes from their fulfillment can be just as bad as losing them all together.
A selfish wish that I could hold onto every dream forever, hold onto all those people I could meet forever. I just want to keep the dreams in my line of site ad never even blink because they could disappear. How is it possible that the correct decisions cause so much pain and anxiety? Nothing worth it is ever easy right? It wouldn't be right if I didn't consider every little variable.
And to all those people i'll never meet: I hope you have the best time.
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